There Goes My LIfe

She hugged them both and headed off to the west coast.
And he cried, "There goes my life.
There goes my future, my everything.
I love you, Baby, good-bye."
-- Kenny Chesney

When my Baby Girl graduated from high school, we had the opportunity to submit a baby picture and a short message to her in the yearbook. I gave them the words "There goes my life, my future, my everything, I love you Baby." She recognized it for the Kenny Chesney song it was, and it made her happy. I heard the song driving home from work today, and it made me happy. It's about a young man upset he's going to become a dad and worried "there goes my life" and how it turns into his love for his daughter as she grows up and eventually leaves home and he feels a part of him is leaving.

The first one to leave home was Theresa, who did go off to the west coast. Laura went off to the east coast. And Sarah went off to southern Minnesota. And eventually, they all came back again. And left again. And so it goes, and probably does with most families. Right now we have one at home, one in Ireland, and one who's been living with her boyfriend not too far away for several years. But that's not what the song made me think about. I've been doing a lot of genealogy and I've been thinking about the legacy we leave behind....both in terms of the work we do and the family we grow. If my grandparents were alive today and were to say, "There goes my life...." What would they see?

On my father's side, my grandparents would see three children, fourteen grandchildren, and twenty-seven great-grandchildren. They would see 5 teachers, 3 in theater, 3 in business, 1 engineer, 1 diplomat, 2 health professionals , 1 in the music field, and others who are students going into law, and various other fields. Not to mention those who have devoted their career to raising their children and volunteer work.

On my mother's side, my grandparents would see three children, thirteen grandchildren, and eighteen great-grandchildren. They would see 10 in business, 3 engineers, 1 diplomat, 1 in education, 1 mechanic, 1 lawyer, and students going into law and theater. Not to mention those who have devoted their career to raising their children and volunteer work.

It's important to me how I've raised my children, my life, my legacy. I'm proud that they're all so different and of the life they've chosen. But it also matters to me the life of every child I touch. It's as important to me as all the Science lessons I ever prepared, all the Reading lessons I ever taught. I have a special place in my heart for the kids who struggle to be at school...struggle to sit still, struggle to get along, struggle to find the good in themselves. It's almost always the boys and almost always the boys who have never had someone believe in them and treat them positively.

Sometimes it's as simple as letting them know my office is a safe place and they can always come talk to me. Or letting them know I'll treat them fairly and with respect. Other times it's a battle of wills...of me going round after round with them that they are worth something and I am not going to give up on them and yes-they-can-do-it so let's try again. And again. And again. Some stand out more than others.

But they are just as much my life, my future, my everything, as my own daughters.

This Is Country Music

It ain't hip to sing about tractors, trucks, little towns,
And mama, yeah that might be true.
But this is country music...And we do.
--Brad Paisely

Thirty years ago, I got tired of listening to pop radio. The songs were tired and trite and boring. I started turning the radio dial and I hit on a country radio station and stopped long enough to listen. I don't even remember what the song was but I do remember two things as I listened to the next song and the next and the next... You could sing along to these songs. And they were real.

It wasn't just one longing-for-love song after another (though heaven knows country music has enough of those). They were also songs about family and life and children and fun and hard work and values and patriotism and God and beauty and grit and everyday America. It was real.

So turn it on, turn it up, and sing a long.
This is real; this is your life in a song.
Yeah this is country music.

And I've never left. Some country performers inspire me more than others. Several I've seen in concert...John Denver, Reba McIntire, Highway 101, George Strait, Patty Loveless, Kathy Mattea, Dwight Yokum, Kenny Chesney, Billy Dean, Randy Travis, Luke Bryan, Billy Currington, Tim McGraw, Sugarland. But I love the real things they sing about. So what is "real"?

If you ask people what the "American Dream" is, you'll get a wide variety of answers depending on who you ask. I know people who strive for large homes, lots of belongings, and annual vacations to resort destinations each year. They want to drive nice cars, send their kids to the best colleges, and buy whatever suits their fancy. The problem is...too often, they almost always want whatever is next on the horizon and are never quite satisfied.

If you talk to someone who is new to this country, the American Dream is having the freedom to walk down the street and speak their mind without fear of arrest. Having a place to live, a job, and hope of a public education for their children is the American Dream.

And you get everything in between.

Country Music folks will tell you the American Dream is about the family farm, patriotism, mamas and babies, and a whole host of other things that come with the price of hard work and no guarantee. That, and a little bit of whiskey and horses and Jesus.

At work, someone saw all the NFL memorabilia I have on the back of my office door and they asked if I was a season ticket holder. I told her no, that if I had that kind of money, I would be donating it to charity, not spending it on things like NFL tickets. That took her off-guard. Not that you can't reward yourself once in a while, but an extravagant lifestyle shouldn't be an end, in and of itself. If it is, it's time to come down to earth and get real. It's important to define your values and keep them forefront. Then life doesn't just happen to you, you live it intentionally.

That's what Country Music speaks to: values and the realities of the day to day. And it's why it sparks so many memories, thoughts, and ideas every time I listen to it. How could it not inspire me to write?

So turn it on, turn it up, and sing a long.
This is real; this is your life in a song.
Just like a road that takes you home.
Yeah this is right where you belong.
This is country music.

Chain of Love

He was driving home one evening,
In his beat up Pontiac
When an old lady flagged him down,
Her Mercedes had a flat
He could see that she was frightened,
Standing out there in the snow
'Til he said I'm here to help you ma'am,
By the way...my name is Joe

She said I'm from St. Louis,
And I'm only passing through
I must have seen a hundred cars go by,
This is awful nice of you
When he changed the tire,
And closed her trunk
And was about to drive away,
She said how much do I owe you
Here's what he had to say

You don't owe me a thing, I've been there too
Someone once helped me out,
Just the way I'm helping you
If you really want to pay me back,
Here's what you do
Don't let the chain of love end with you

Well a few miles down the road,
The lady saw a small cafe
She went in to grab a bite to eat,
And then be on her way
But she couldn't help but notice,
How the waitress smiled so sweet
And how she must've been eight months along,
And dead on her feet

And though she didn't know her story,
And she probably never will
When the waitress went to get her change,
From a hundred dollar bill
The lady slipped right out the door,
And on a napkin left a note
There were tears in the waitress's eyes,
When she read what she wrote

You don't owe me a thing,
I've been there too
Someone once helped me out,
Just the way I'm helping you
If you really want to pay me back,
Here's what you do
Don't let the chain of love end with you

That night when she got home from work,
The waitress climbed into bed
She was thinkin' about the money,
And what the lady's note had said
As her husband lay there sleeping,
She whispered soft and low
Everything's gonna be alright.
I love you... Joe.

-- Clay Walker

I can't write about this song without printing the whole song in its entirety because of the story. It's a sweet song that reminds us what goes around comes around. And that's the way it should be. But it also came to mind after looking through pictures of my uncles online...and my mother. And the "Joe" story she used to tell me about her brothers. How her brother Barron had them convinced that if you went to the corner store and said "Hello, Hello, My name is Joe, Give me something free!" The store owner would. I don't know that they ever had the nerve to try it, but this was the big sibling joke they always tried to convince each other to do.

Another joke she told about frequently was the time Ronnie's friend would always stop by on his way home from the grocer and set his bag on their wide newel post while he visited. Then come flying down the stairs because he'd stayed too late, grab the bag, and run out the door. So one time Barron tied the bag to the newel post. When Ronnie's friend came running to grab the bag, it didn't go far. In fact, it broke open with the force of being grabbed on the run, and went spilling in all directions. The boys thought it was hilarious. The friend, not so much....

Or the time they got my mother to hold one hand to a shorted metal lamp, and the other hand to the metal railing down their front steps. She was not amused when she got the strong jolt of electricity.

So this is where I get my sense of humor from... My cousins hiding my Mother's Easter Egg next to a dead bird in the garden just to startle her. My cousins trying to convince my brother to jump down the clothes chute or accidentally on purpose fall in the creek. Or throw me in the swimming pool - lawn chair and all. My uncle making up crazy nicknames for us all. Because it's part of the chain of love that is this family.

Tattoos on This Town

It sure left its mark on us
We sure left our mark on it
We let the world know we were here
With everything we did
We laid a lot of memories down
Like tattoos on this town
- Jason Aldean

Last week I drove past 8244 12th Ave S in Bloomington. It's the earliest home I have memories of and the house was pretty much as I remembered it. It's where the highchair tray fell on Suellen and cut her lip open. It's where I watched Casey Jones on TV. It's where our dog had her puppies in our wading pool. It's where my cousins Mark and David came over to play all the time. It's where I spent the Christmas my dad built the doll house for us. But that was a lifetime ago...

Sometimes I feel like I have so many "lifetimes ago".

It was a lifetime ago that I lived every spare moment outdoors around the Minneapolis chain of lakes...biking, swimming, boating, jogging, skating, sledding. It was a lifetime ago that I lived for marching band, and all the high school football and basketball games we played at - and the goofing off afterward with an amazing group of friends. It was a lifetime ago that I worked at Camp Tamarac, something that set me on paths I never could have imagined. It was a lifetime ago that I biked cross-country, lived for rock climbing, and hitchhiked to California.

There ain't a corner of this hallowed ground
That we ain't laughed or cried on
It's where we loved, lived and learned real stuff
It's everything we're made of

It was a lifetime ago I held my babies in my arms and nursed them and slept with them and carried them everywhere. It was a lifetime ago I homeschooled my girls. It was a lifetime ago that I became a La Leche League Leader so I could help other moms and then went on to serve on their international board. It was a lifetime ago that I went back to teaching and then decided to go back to school for my Masters.

Everything I do, I seem to do with such intensity. Maybe that's why moving on from one thing to the next makes each one seem like a separate lifetime. Someday, I want to write full time. And then it will seem like a lifetime ago that I started a school. This has been the most intense thing I have ever done. Sometimes my family complains I am distracted about things but it is hard for me to shut down when 300 families have placed their children in my care. When it becomes routine and boring and mundane, it will be time for me to move on.

Everywhere there we are
It hits me right in my heart

The most important tattoos though, are around my left ankle...

Sarah Theresa Laura