My Old Friend

My old friend, I recall
The times we had are hanging on my wall
I wouldn't trade them for gold
Cause they laugh and they cry me
And somehow sanctify me
And they're woven in the stories I have told
- Tim McGraw

My Baby Girl keeps a picture postcard on her wall of wide-eyed baby nursing at the breast who has turned to look at the photographer. It's a black and white close up - mostly of the baby, very little of the breast - and it's endearing because the baby has not stopped nursing but has turned to look. We call it the "MamaBaby" picture and it comes from La Leche League. I think my Baby Girl keeps it because she remembers nursing - she nursed until she was almost four years old. I love it because it reminds me of my time as a member and volunteer in La Leche League - more than ten years.

When my first daughter was born, I nursed her because it seemed like the natural thing to do. I didn't know anyone else who nursed, but it made sense to nurse, so I did. Six months seemed long enough, so then I weaned her, and went on to solid foods and a cup with her. All was good.

Then came my second daughter. She was colicky and every evening after dinner, her crying would escalate to the point of screaming that would last for hours. Both my pediatrician and a friend suggested I go to a La Leche League meeting so I could talk to other mothers who might be able to give me some advice on how to cope with the colicky behavior. I almost didn't go back. But I was desperate and so I decided to give them one more chance. That second meeting turned into years of meetings and eventually deciding to become a volunteer leader. Eventually I took on other leadership roles within the organization...accrediting other women who wanted to become leaders, then helping plan their annual conference, then as coordinator (president) for a three state area, and eventually serving four years on their international board of directors.

All told, I was with La Leche League for over 12 years. They're far more than just an organization that provides breastfeeding information. They truly do provide mother-to-mother support and information for parenting. No fancy gizmos, expensive purchases, fast-paced programs, competitive preschools, or trying to out-do each other. Just an accepting group of women who celebrate a simple kind of mothering. League has some simple tenets they ask leaders-to-be to reflect on during the accreditation process. There is one in particular that has deeply influenced me: From infancy on, children need loving guidance which reflects acceptance of their capabilities and sensitivity to their feelings. I have tried to remember this with my daughters, and with my students. And when I moved on to create my own school, I have incorporated it at a fundamental level in developing a culture of individualized learning for our students. But really, all of La Leche League has shaped me. As an educator, as a parent, as a person. And deep down, I do not feel I can ever repay what the women in that organization gave to me. They gave me the skills to help me help my daughters become the amazing women they are.

But as my daughters grew up and the years passed, I needed to devote more of my time to my work as an educator. My youngest was in middle school, and I was back in graduate school. I had retired from League, and with the exception of just a few people, my contact with League dwindled. Until last night.

My old friend, I apologize
For the years that have passed
Since the last time you and I
Dusted off those memories

I got together with nine other women from League, most of whom I haven't seen in 10 or 15 years. We reserved a private room at a restaurant and all had dinner together - and talked for four hours. Like we had just seen each other last week. We all remembered each others' kids' names and the many things each of them had been involved in. To a degree, there's probably a common personality that's attracted to LLL in the first place, but everyone's interests and pursuits were about as different as you get. I'm a school principal, someone else plays in a rock band, another is a published author, a nurse, a fiber arts specialist, a lactation consultant, a parent educator, and someone who is studying the ministry. Every woman I've met in LLL is unique and talented. And made her job as a mom a priority. Not something that came after yoga class. They celebrated each others' children. Not compared them.

My old friend this song's for you
Cause a few simple verses was the least that I could do
To tell the world that you were here
'Cause the love and the laughter will live on long after

My most wonderful memory of La Leche League was when I served on their international board of directors and was at one of their biannual conferences. The organization was going through growing pains, trying to figure out how to celebrate the fact that we were truly an international organization and not just a US organization...and the woman who organized the conferences didn't quite get it. A board member colleague, someone who grew up in the US but had married a German and been living in Europe for many years, gathered women from several countries who had young infants. A mother from Africa stepped up to the microphone. She wore her native dress and held a very young baby in her arms. No one understood the words she began to sing, but everyone recognized the love in her eyes and understood she was singing a lullaby to her baby. And when she was done, a mother from another country come up to the microphone and sang a lullaby in her native tongue. And another. And another. There was complete silence in a room of thousands as these mothers from around the world sang their lullabies as if there was no one else there except their own sweet baby. And it was one of the most moving experiences I've ever been witness to.

It's been over 60 years since La Leche League was formed, by seven women in Chicago, Illinois who wanted to offer breastfeeding information and support to women so they wouldn't encounter the same difficulties they had. It's grown into an organization in over 100 countries and has had tens of thousands of volunteers and hundreds of thousands of members. It's helped millions of babies. One mother and one baby at a time. When those women were singing in that room full of thousands of young mothers, not one baby was crying. Breastfeeding is about more than just infant nutrition, it's also about parenting. That's why I hope my daughters will breastfeed too.