Shades of Grey

Shades of grey wherever I go
The more I find out the less that I know
Black and white is how it should be
But shades of grey are the colors I see
- Billy Joel

I watched a TV show that has completely disturbed and unsettled me. An entire TV series season actually, watched over a very short period of time on Netflix, called "Saving Grace." I wasn't even really watching it. Greg's been watching it while I type on my computer in the corner doing things for work or my class or whatever. It's about a belligerent, smoking, drinking, promiscuous, cop named Grace who ends up with a guardian angel named Earl. She's not happy an angel suddenly appeared in her life and she fights him every step of the way. This season's subplot was about a man on death row named Leon, who Earl is also visiting.

There are a lot of movies and TV dramas that are social statements about death row. They use their medium as thin veils to make their statement and because the veil is so thin, I don't think they're of much worth. The people who believe the death penalty is wrong feel vindicated and the people who don't simply don't go to see them. But because this was a subplot, over an entire television season, it had the time to develop slowly. It also had some elements I've rarely seen: the dialogue between the death row inmate and an agent of God. Although you assume Earl is a Christian angel, when Grace argues with him he calmly and lovingly presents any polytheistic view if that will open a chink in her armor. Leon follows the Islamic faith, the prison provides a Catholic Priest, the angel who walks alongside him honors Leon's beliefs. And it all works. In a very brutal setting, it's a complete acceptance of everyone.

It was also some of the best writing, and best acting I've ever seen, that takes the viewer through the range of emotions that develop in Leon, that develop and swing like a pendulum. And how Earl (Faith) helps him through that, and how sometimes even Faith isn't enough. How the different visitors - the priest, Grace as a cop, an old high school friend - impact his frame of mind. How the prison staff and prison routines as it gets closer and closer to the execution date impact Leon's emotions. How the desire for Hope of a stay of execution has such an extreme emotional impact on everyone that it takes a physical toll.

In the end, Grace watches Leon's execution. She is there to provide emotional support. Earl is there to support both of them. I know it takes great courage to watch someone die. I held my mother in my arms as she drew her last breaths. I agreed to be the one to make the end of life decision for my father. Emotions aside, that is not as simple as it sounds. You are agreeing to turn off a breathing tube and let someone suffocate, or turn off a feeding tube and let someone starve to death. And yet, sometimes it is the person's wishes and it is the better thing to do. I feel the death penalty is wrong. I always have. And yet I have read John Douglas' books. He started the profiling unit for the FBI. In his books, he makes a strong case for the death penalty and he is the only person who has ever given me pause to question my belief that the death penalty is wrong.

Watching the season finale of Saving Grace left me so disturbed and unsettled that it made me want to "do something" with our prisons systems and prison ministries. I talked to my friend at work about it the next day, my friend whose son is in prison with a life sentence for killing one of his sons, her grandson. I told her that even though I was feeling this way, I don't believe I am the one who should be reaching out in our prisons. I believe my calling is in education. I believe instead the bigger purpose here is to encourage my Baby Girl, who wants to be an attorney and work with our prison systems, to watch this season of Saving Grace so she has this filter. So that she sees these shades of grey. My friend stared at me in silence for several moments. Finally she said, "This is all just very strange that you came to me with this. Last night when I was just discussing with someone that we need to introduce Jesse's son to shades of grey so he will understand that just because his dad's in prison, that doesn't completely define who he is."

Color matters to me in everything. Rainbows, M&Ms, stained glass, Christmas lights, prisms, anything that is a celebration of life and light and color. Grey, however, is an important life skill.

Now with the wisdom of years
I try to reason things out...
Shades of grey wherever I go
The more I find out, the less that I know