Better Than I Used to Be

I know how to hold a grudge
I can send a bridge up in smoke
- Tim McGraw

When I was growing up, and we were on the receiving end of something that made us angry, angry enough to give a sarcastic response, lash out, or be vengeful, my mother always had the same response: "Don't stoop to their level."

That's good advice, but difficult to live. My passions run deep whether it's excitement, anger, love, or irritation. And so when people irritate me or make me impatient, my knee-jerk response is to say something snarky. And at the same time I know that's how bridges get burnt.

My thick skin and straight-forwardness mean I have to make a conscious effort to filter what I say, to consider how it will be received by others. I think this is why I find my job so tiring. I love what I do, but when my office is an endless parade of upset parents, worried teachers, misbehaving students, and other people who want my time, I have to be on my game for 10 hours straight, constantly filtering what I say. Am I being politic? Compassionate? Looking at the issue from everyone's perspective? Framing my response diplomatically? Finding the balance between firmness and kindness? Leaving everyone's dignity intact? Leaving everyone's dignity intact is so important, however, that I've written it into the performance review for all of my staff. In all situations, whether they are working with students, parents, or colleagues, there is never reason to ridicule or demean another human being.

I watch my daughters and how they deal with others and wonder if they are just much more patient than I am, or if they have learned to respond better than I have. But I am impressed, over and over, with their ability to handle themselves with grace in difficult situations. With life experiences, they will continue to be challenged, and I am convinced they will continue to grow. That is the challenge of any adult, to continue to strive to be a better person.

I'm learning who you've been
Ain't who you've got to be