Cold Nights in Canada

And one is a teacher and one a beginner
Just wanting to be there, wanting to know
- John Denver

I was having lunch with my Baby Girl and was telling her about a conversation with one of my teachers in which I was trying to help this teacher understand what one of my students needed to be successful. The teacher started the list by saying the student would need to be able to hold down a job and I stopped her right there. This is elementary school. What does the student need right now, to be successful in her classroom? She had to really stop and think about it, and finally said it would be the Phy Ed teacher coming in on a daily basis to give this student an activity break. I asked her why and her reasoning was sound. But then she followed with, "But if I insist that assignments be finished before [the student] can have the activity break, he will say he doesn't care about the activity break and it won't work. And I had to explain that if she was giving him what he needed to be successful vs leveraging desired behavior, those were two very different situations. One was a safety net, the other was a power struggle. She really had to think about that too.

And my Baby Girl asked if all principals mentor their teachers this much? I told her I don't think so. At least not from my experience or my conversations with my colleagues. The closest I came to it in the school setting was a school psychologist I worked with, but he was so over-extended his time came in snippets and, while useful, never drilled down to the depth anyone needed. So who were - or are - the mentors in my life?

Maybe surprisingly, most of them were mothers in La Leche League. Their simple motto, to help one mother and baby at a time, grew into a world-wide organization that now operates in hundreds of countries and has helped millions of mothers and babies. All one mother and baby at a time. Important to ponder for people who set out to make a difference, to change the world. If La Leche League had tried to do something global from the onset, they may never have made it, but to quietly do what was important and let it take root, to bring others into the fold, and to see what it has become 60 years later is important to understand. All one mother and baby at a time.

From Jill, I learned that if people don't have enough ownership in their job, then why would they want to do it? How will they have investment? She believed they need to have enough say, enough control to make it their own. This philosophy has helped make me an administrator with a collaborative leadership style. Someone who is willing to tell her staff what the parameters are and then make group decisions. Not everyone is comfortable with this. Some people want to be told what to do. Some people don't want to take the time required to come to such decisions. Others take this to mean they can do whatever they want. It's different, but for those who can work within this style of leadership, there is a great deal of commitment.

From Peggy, I learned the importance of grooming new leadership. You're not going to be at the helm forever. Eventually, you want others to be able to step up to the plate. In the best of circumstances, the organization is vibrant and growing. In those situations, you can't do it all. Grooming new leadership helps people see themselves as someone who can contribute and help that growth. It involves seeing people's strengths and nurturing them.

From Ginger, I learned how to facilitate board work and committee work, and the difference between administrative work and policy work, and how to manage the information that needs to come from both.

From Nate, I learned a lot of the day-to-day of running a business. He and his wife operated their own business, but they had a rule of not discussing work at home. They didn't want to live it 24/7. But often he needed to vent about work things. I was constantly making mental notes...hiring and firing issues, liability concerns, how to handle difficult situations.

But those are all on the professional end of things. On the parenting end of things, I probably learned more from a La Leche League leader named Donna than anyone else. She was the mother of seven and at the time I met her, the grandmother of I don't know how many - and still active in League. She had the funniest sense of humor, and more common sense than most. One of the best things I learned from her was the belief that too many parents feel that since they can't control everything, they abdicate everything, and how important it was to parent what you could. And I drew on the collective wisdom of mothers who believed in listening to their children, meeting their needs, and positive parenting that didn't equate indulgence. I learned as I went, along with friends like Deb and Sandee, who I still am friends with today, even though our children are in college and beyond.

And most of all, I learned from role models in my own family. My own parents, but also wonderful grandparents and aunts and uncles who were very much a part of my life. I knew I could (and did) go to them as much as my own parents. It was my grandmother who told me to bring my colicky baby to bed with me, my aunt who modeled the matter-of-fact conversations I try to have with my girls and students, another aunt who taught me how to reason through difficult situations for positive outcomes. It was my mother who taught me what it really means to listen.

And all of this taught me that kids really do need lots of adults in their lives. Lots of people who care. I am thrilled that my girls spend as much time as they do with their aunt, and that they keep in touch with their relatives in Georgia. I try hard to make my school a place where all students feel they belong, feel they are successful. As adults, we don't always hit the mark for our kids, for our students. That's why it's important to have others standing by in the wings.