Winter

It's cold and it's getting colder
It's gray and white and winter all around.
--John Denver

It's very cold here. Below zero. In some parts of the state, the high temperature was -2. It's supposed to drop to the teens below zero later tonight and the twenties below zero and colder in some parts of the state when you factor in the wind chill. When it gets this cold, the house creaks and heaves and pops from contracting in the cold.

One year, my next door neighbor accidentally locked himself out on his deck in the middle of winter. He had no key, no phone, and no stairs to get him down to ground level. So he opened his grill and started heaving charcoal briquettes at my house to try to get my attention so maybe I could let him back into his house. The only problem was, I thought the sounds of the briquettes hitting the house were just winter house-popping noises in the cold and never paid it any mind. (He did eventually get back inside, no thanks to me.)

As long as I'm dressed warmly enough, I really do love the winter. I used to walk 3 miles every day. Even in the winter. I used to cross country ski too. I don't do either very often any more, mostly due to time constraints, but I enjoy both, and enjoy being out in the winter. Skating too. When I would go deer hunting with my dad, I loved sitting in the woods in late November. Sometimes snow, sometimes not, but usually a little by then.

Many years ago, I read the book My Side of the Mountain about a boy who ran away from home and went to live on his own in the Catskill Mountains. He made his home in a tree trunk, lived off the land, and survived in the wild year round. I was absolutely fascinated with the idea. I spent a lot of time thinking about how I could do that at Cushing - the place where my folks owned 80 wooded acres. At some point, I told my dad and my cousin Mark (who my dad hunted with) about thinking this was a really cool idea.

They both burst out laughing! They told me I wouldn't think it was such a neat idea come winter when it got cold. That I didn't understand what it was like to be in the woods all day. And so on. I was really furious with them. FIRST of all... It's not like I was a stranger to the outdoors. My parents raised all of us in the outdoors. We camped almost every single weekend of my whole life growing up. I knew what it was like to be outdoors in unpleasant conditions. SECOND of all... I would not be so stupid as to venture off on something like that totally unprepared. Anyone who thinks they are going to move to an outdoor environment had better know what they are doing. And THIRD... Why would you laugh when your child is telling you something that's important to them? It was then and there I vowed that I would remember things that my parents did that bugged me that I would try to remember and never do to my kids. Heaven knows I have irritated my kids enough, but let's at least try to remember the things that bugged me and not repeat them.

I never have given up my dream of moving to the woods and living off the land. My husband knows that eventually, I would like to get a principal's job as close to the Canadian border as possible...which to me, means living off in the woods, in a remote area. It's why, driving home the other night when the winter night was so beautiful, the thought of simply continuing on north to Canada seemed so appealing. I love the quiet peacefulness of nighttime. Winter is an extension of that. It adds a layer of silence and majesty.

Restless

There’s a kind of a restless feeling and it pulls me from within
It sets my senses reeling and my wheels begin to spin
In the quietude of winter you can hear the wild geese cry
And I will always love that sound until the day I die...

Do you get that restless feelin’ when you hear a whistle blast?
Like an echo from the past
Of an old engine flyin’ down a road that’s ironcast

The lake is blue, the sky is gray, the leaves have turned to gold
The wild goose will be on her way, the weather’s much too cold
When the muskie and the old trout too have all gone down to rest
We will be returning to the things that we love best

Do you get that restless yearning when you think about your dad?
And the scrimshaw that he had
Of an old schooner rovin’ ’neath a sky that’s ironclad

There’s a kind of a restless feeling and it catches you off guard
As we gaze off at the distance through the trees in my back yard
I can feel that restless yearning of those geese as off they roam
Then trade that for a warm bed and a place I can call home

Will you get that restless yearning when you hear the wicked blast?
Of a spectre from the past
Of a cold diesel rollin’ down a road that’s built to last

Still I get that restless feelin’ when I hear a whistle blast
See an image from the past
Of an old schooner flyin’ down a sky that’s overcast
--Gordon Lightfoot

'Nuff said. You either understand it or you don't.

Carefree Highway

I guess it must be wanderlust or tryin' to get free
From the good old faithful feelin' we once knew
Carefree highway, let me slip away on you
-Gordon Lightfoot

Driving home in the dark, and listening to this song. It's winter, cold, stark, and beautiful. And I'm reminded of how much I love Canada. And being on the road with no constraints. And I get in a not uncommon mood where I contemplate the thought of simply driving straight north for hours. I love driving. I love being on the road. And I love this song because I know that Gordon Lightfoot is from, and sings about, Canada.

Canada. I've been to British Columbia, driven across the Canadian Rockies, seen Quebec. More than anything, I love the hills and pines of Ontario. They're raw and majestic and solitary. To drive winding roads over hills covered with dark tall pines gives me a sense of ancient calm. It comes from having hiked through these forests and knowing the silence of walking on inches-deep pine straw covered with snow. Of knowing the light that can come from stars alone when there are no city lights to dim them. Of the beauty and brilliance of winter. I love how primal it can be and after having been to both Scotland and Canada, I can see why so many Scots settled in Canada.

When I want to really get away, the times I'm tempted to leave everything behind and run away, to find that carefree highway, it's Canada I think of. It's not a warm beach with white sand. It's not a five star hotel with a top-notch restaurant. It's not a place where my every need is tended to. No. Just a place that's solitary and majestic and primal. Like the unsettled areas of Ontario.

Now the thing that I call livin' is just bein' satisfied
With knowin' I got no one left to blame

Time in a Bottle

If I could make days last forever,
If words could make wishes come true,
I'd save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you.
--Jim Croce

I was cleaning my dresser today, part of all the New Year's cleaning and trying to get the house in order before going back to work after Christmas break. I came across the charm necklace I had in high school and college. Charm necklaces were a jewelry fad that started when I was in high school...a 1" ring or so that you could add charms to and you wore on a chain around your neck instead of adding the charms to a bracelet. Some 20 years later, Italian Charm Bracelets became the way to wear charms...small rectangular charms that linked together on an elastic band. I took a look at the two collections of charms put togher 20 years apart to see what they said about me...

CHARM NECKLACE (late 70s/early 80s)
Teddy Bear - because I collected teddy bears
Anchor from Madeline Island - a love of the Great Lakes, sailboats
Bicycle - representing my days of cross-country bike touring
Grizzly Bear - from a trip to Alaska in 1982
Musical Notes - for playing saxophone, being in marching band
Aries - my astrological sign, love of stars/nighttime
78 - the year I graduated from high school
Sombrero - from a trip to Mexico in 1980

ITALIAN CHARM BRACELET (early 2000s)
#1 Teacher - from a student in the class I had for 2 years
I love Country Music - because I do!
North Shore - for my love of the Great Lakes
Jeweled P - for my mother's name, Patricia
Ace of Hearts - because she loved to play Bridge
Jeweled S - my oldest daughter's initial
Butterfly - she always makes me think of butterflies
Jeweled T - my middle daughter's initial
Frog - she loves froggies
Jeweled L - my youngest daughter's intial
Heart that says Mom - she gave me that one
Sax - because I played saxophone
Vikings - the NFL team I follow
Hummingbird - my favorite bird of all
Heart - for all the things I love that are on the bracelet
Scotland Flag - the country I want to travel to
Kitties - for all the kitties I've ever had

With the Italian Bracelet, I decided not to only include charms for the things that were important to me, but also for the women in my life who were most important to me -- my Mother and my 3 daughters. For that reason, I have a charm with the initial of each of their first names, and something that reminds me of each of them.

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you.