It Happens

Missed my alarm clock ringing,
Woke up, telephone screaming,
Boss man singing his same old song.
Rolled in late about an hour,
No cup of coffee, no shower.
-- Sugarland

I've been following a thread of conversation on Facebook with someone that started out about vacations and maternity leaves, but it touched on a lot of important topics as various people chimed in. It was mostly about America not giving as much vacation time as other developed countries. And some viewpoints about the importance of hard work and the balance between expecting people to contribute and be self-supporting, and the charity and care of our citizens. And where priorities are placed or maybe misplaced...when corporate CEOs make millions, while millions of people go without. All this matters to me a very great deal, more than I can explain in a thread on Facebook, and I'll explain why, and explain how I've chosen to live my beliefs on this...

• Maternity leave...babies need to be with their mothers. Period. For the sake of equality some might ask what about dad and I will argue that dad is the next best, and any family member for that matter. But babies need breastmilk. And we need to follow the model of our Scandinavian neighbors and give mothers the paid maternity leave they need. Until we start investing in our families, we will not have the infrastructures we want. We can pay for it on the front end or on the hind end, and the front end is far more productive.
  
  
• Some families can't or won't or don't have the means or ability to care for their children. Again, if this is the case, we need programs that will. But we need intelligent programs and we need programs without so much bureaucracy and red-tape and paperwork that it takes away from the important work of caring for our children. I should know. As a charter school director, I am doing more for less and getting better results than my expensive school district neighbors. And yet I still spend way too much money "being accountable" to our politicians when I could be actually doing the work of educating children.
  
  
• You can't simply say this is necessary or we had to do it that way because.... That is endorsing the status quo and is never okay. Even when things are going well, the status quo should always be questioned. There is always room for improvement.
  
  
• Once you've questioned the status quo, you have to also come prepared with alternatives or it will be only a short period of time before you're brushed aside and people stop listening to what you have to say. I've found two ways to facilitate change. One is to throw the baby out with the bath water. Depending on what scale you do this, it can be called starting over, entrepreneurship, or a revolution.
  
  
• The other way to bring about change is to do it incrementally. Highlight what is good and right and then talk about how you can take that in a new direction with some tweaks. Help people visualize what can be. Energize them about what they have to give.
  
  
• Start making life choices that reflect these values. Start refusing, even in small ways, to be part of the status quo if you don't like it, and start showing other people that there are alternatives - AND - without being labeled an in-your-face-nut, show them that there are alternatives that work.

So what have I done? I worked long enough to qualify to buy a house and then when everyone said it couldn't be done, I quit my job and we existed on one income and one car for 15 years. I nursed my babies long past the age everyone said I should, especially my youngest and everyone said she would be too dependent on me. I think Connecticut and Morocco proved that wrong. I homeschooled my girls because I believed I could give them a better education when they were younger, and then enrolled them in public school when I felt they were ready, not when an arbitrary age came along. I went back to teaching and fought like hell for the services my struggling kids needed and wouldn't stand down when I knew I was right.

Pretty soon, I became the voice for the teachers because they knew I would speak up - respectfully, but speak up nonetheless. And in the end, it got me on almost every committee there was in the building. That led me to getting my principal's license, and insight as to what was really good and really wrong with our educational system. And just like when I was a teenager and vowed to myself I would not do certain things as a parent, I promised that when I became an administrator, there were certain things I would not do. So I set out to create a different sort of school.

Along the way...my Uncle Vern died. I was scared to death of him as a kid because he was so stern. It was only as I grew older that I realized how really cool, how really interesting he was, and how much I enjoyed talking to him. At his funeral, every single one of his children spoke about how, at dinner each night he would ask each of them in turn, "And what did you do to make the world a better place today?" And that they were expected to have an answer. What a powerful message that was for a child growing up! I wanted my children to have that message - and my students. I didn't ask it as a nightly question like my uncle did, but more and more, I became vocal about making a difference in the world.

And so what is different about my school? It isn't the Core Knowledge curriculum. It is something intangible I've tried to create within the framework imposed by all the state laws and Department of Ed rules we have to follow.

It is a place children want to be. It is a place parents want their children to be. It is a place teachers want to work. That is no small order. What makes a school a place EVERY child wants to be at? Where every child feels accepted and successful and cared for? How to we as a staff create that and genuinely convey that? That is the task we have set before ourselves. We have made a commitment that every adult in the building will get to know every single child by name. We will individualize their learning. We all have a stake in their success. Today the Phy Ed teacher was working on a Math lesson with two boys. That exemplifies what I mean. I have other students who, instead of coming to my office because they are in trouble, know that when they are having a tough day they have a free pass to come to my office to talk to me. After the first month or two of school, they almost never need to come talk to me - simply because we have created safe places for them at school and there are adults they trust.

It is a place where teachers have a voice in how the school is run. They are allowed to question the status quo, share ideas, argue as to what is best, make changes, do it differently. All as long as they can show that the children are learning and are well cared for. But it is more than that. They are allowed flexible time off, reasonable comp time, and vacation options within the school calendar. And we talk about what we want the school to become. How we want to shape it, what we want the culture of the building to be. That's something that doesn't happen in a lot of work places. The staff are energized by it and the potential of what can be. My goal, as an employer, is to help a whole cadre of teachers, parents, and students who will eventually become parents and employers themselves, see that there are alternatives to the rigid rules-for-the-sake-of-rules work environment - and that you can create places of work that are both flexible and productive. Places where people want to be. I have not just started a school. I have intentionally invested time in creating a specific work environment for my teachers because I believe that is just as important as the classroom environment they create for their students.

The thread of conversation on Facebook ended with an article about vacations providing people with a sense of renewal. Everyone needs time off. Someone I know worked for a company whose policy was simply "take what you need, but don't take too much." She said that wasn't a good policy because people tended to be too conservative and not take very much at all. My experience is that not everyone is renewed by vacations per se. Some people get a far stronger sense of renewal by doing something creative like woodworking or quilting (I fall in this category). For others, like my teaching partner, it was physical exercise. For my father, it wasn't the time off, but rather the travel (he just happened to need time off to travel).

So yes, I agree there is a huge issue of misplaced priorities, especially when there are CEOs making millions and we have corporations that could be putting that money towards employees' maternity leave, vacation leave, etc. La Leche League has been fighting for longer maternity leave for years. So have other groups. Support that. Look at countries like Finland and Norway and Sweden and see how they made it work. Look at companies in the US that have very family-friendly leave policies and still make a good profit, start highlighting them in the media in very public ways. Start looking for legislative incentives for companies to provide this sort of policy. Revolutionary change is unlikely on this front in the US. So what is good that can be tweaked? What can be? What is the change that you can provide?

I Run To You

This world keeps spinning faster,
Into a new disaster.
So I run to you, I run to you...
-- Lady Antebellum

Today, I watched as the skies turned black, and heard the tornado sirens go off. Tornadoes are nothing new in Minnesota. I have grown up with them. So I turned on the TV to see if the sirens were anything serious. And watched as the reports listed actual tornadoes in Brooklyn Center, then Blaine, then North Minneapolis, then Forest Lake. One after another they were dropping from the sky. Never this many. I started to gather my things. My cat, my drugs, my phone, my laptop. And went to the basement.

I am absolutely terrified of tornadoes and I am not sure why. I have lived with the threat of them my whole life. I was five when they nearly obliterated the town of Fridley. My friend from high school and college roommate, Colleen, lived in Fridley at the time and remembers her father throwing her and her siblings to the floor and throwing himself on top of them to protect them as the windows of their home imploded. She remembers the aftermath when it wasn't safe to walk on the rain-soaked grass because downed live power lines were snaking through the wet grass. She remembers the devastation.

Although I have never seen one, I remember more than one night of being wakened by my dad and taken down in the basement when it was storming or sirens were going off. When my children were born, I had nightmares of seeing tornadoes coming down the street and not being able to get to my babies. When it stormed and my husband would stand in the street and watch the clouds, it would make me panic.

We live near an extremely large body of water and I think the temperature variances it causes does odd things when it storms out here. One time, a tornado did go through, not too far from here. We were having a party for Laura. She and all her little friends and their mothers huddled in our basement until it passed. I have seen the clouds over our house churn in an obvious circular pattern and look as if they were going to drop a funnel, and then move on.

Today, there are tens of thousands of people without power, dozens hurt, and at least one person killed. What was even more disturbing about today's storm was that it was not the usual sticky humid hot day you associate with a tornado. It was 11am and rather cool. And they just kept coming. It will take some time to clean this all up. At least when these disasters strike, it brings out some of the best in people.

Where Were You?

Where were you when the world stopped turning
That September day?

--Alan Jackson

When monumental world events happen, people remember where they were, what they were doing. They remember where they were when Kennedy was shot. (I was only three.) They remember where they were when the Challenger blew up (I was a mile from home, waiting at a red light and heard it on the radio.) They remember where they were on September 11th when the World Trade Center was attacked.

Where were you when the world stopped turning
That September day?
Teaching a class full of innocent children?

I was in my classroom with my teaching partner, Mike, and the students were due to arrive in a few minutes. Our Phy Ed teacher, Paul, went running down the hallway yelling , "A plane flew into the World Trade Center! A plane flew into the World Trade Center!" Mike and I rushed into the hallway in confusion. And then went into a classroom where other teachers were gathering, where there was a TV. As we saw events unfold, we came to the realization that the first plane crash wasn't an accident and one of the teachers started to pray out loud. Someone else started to cry. Then we realized the kids were arriving and we did what teachers have to do every day...make sure their students are okay. So we went back to our rooms, stunned and shaken and greeted our kids good morning.

Did you weep for the children
Who lost their dear loved ones?

And one of our boys came into the classroom sobbing. He heard on the bus radio that a plane had been flown into the Pentagon and his uncle worked at the Pentagon and was his uncle dead? No, I'm sure your uncle is fine. And that's when it dawned on Mike and I. My God, our Country is under attack! What the Hell is going on?!? And then...the Pentagon? My sister works in Washington D.C. What's next? Was she okay? And it was her birthday to boot. And then the Towers fell...

Did you stand there in shock at the sight
of that black smoke rising against that blue sky?

Almost every teacher that day kept the students busy with mindless activities because our minds were elsewhere and we couldn't teach. We alternated between scouring the internet for information and making calls to people and checking news reports.

Did you weep for the children who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't know?
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below?

When our kids were at Specialists, and Mike and I were able to finally turn on the TV in our classroom, Mike broke down in tears watching people walk bloody and injured from the rubble. Everyone was in shock that day. And we watched as the first responders started helping people out, and normal citizens helped each other. And became heroes.

Did you burst out in pride for the red white and blue
The heroes who died just doing what they do?

My Baby Girl says she wants to fight terrorism. She may or may not go down that path. The thought of her doing that work scares me. But so does the horror of that day. Someone has to do it. There will always be people who have to address the evils and wrongs of this world. From the children who bully each other on the playground, to the adults who mastermind acts of terrorism on innocent citizens.

I was watching the Country Music Awards when Alan Jackson sang this song for the very first time. They say the inspiration for this song came to him late one night shortly after 9-11. They kept the rehearsals at the Awards under wraps. Everyone knew they were witness to Music history when he sang it for the first time and it gave me goosebumps listening to it:

I'm just a singer of simple songs,
I'm not a real political man.
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran.
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young.
Faith, Hope, and Love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is Love.

When teachers work with children with difficult behaviors, the theories state that you can't just eliminate a behavior, you have to replace it with something else. You can't just tell a child "don't do that." You have to tell him what you want him to do instead. When our armed forces go into a country like Afghanistan or Iraq, and occupy it long after we accomplish the military mission, there's a reason for it. We're helping to rebuild the infrastructure. On a national scale,we're helping them with what they can be doing, instead of just what they shouldn't be doing. It seems somewhat of a paradox, but there are examples small and large...tear it down so you can build it up. Just always remember to build things back up. Always. Especially for the children.

Faith, Hope, and Love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is Love.

LIttle Miss

Little Miss checkered dress, Little Miss one big mess
Little Miss I'll take less when I always give so much more
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, It'll be alright again

This is my Sarah song. My beautiful Sarah who is a wonderful, different personality every different day. She tries on different clothes, hair, make-up, personas, depending on her mood. Always changing.

Little Miss down on love, Little Miss I give up

She will get overwhelmed and announce "I give up". But she always bounces back. Always. She has more strength and perseverance than most people I know. More smarts. More stamina. And she's overcome a lot more than most. She'll be able to get through anything life throws at her.

Little Miss do your best, Little Miss never rest
Little Miss be my guest, I'll make more anytime that it runs out
Little Miss you'll go far, Little Miss hide your scars
Little Miss who you are is so much more than you like to talk about

She's quiet, private, but has more substance than most people realize. She's got a quick wit, and I love when it surfaces. She's got a lot of talent too - more than she gives herself credit for. She can think things and create things that most people can't even imagine how to do.

Little Miss brand new start, Little Miss do your part
Little Miss big 'ole heart beats wide open and she's ready now for love

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, It'll be alright again

She's starting over right now. I'm happy for her. And excited to see where she lands. And enjoying this time with her right now. And every time I hear this song, I think of all the different Little Miss moods Sarah is. I have always thought of her as a butterfly. Mariposa. Papillon. Butterfly. Someday I will add a tattoo on my leg for her -- a butterfly that she has designed for me.

Southern Cross

I have my ship
And all her flags are a flyin'
She is all that I have left
And Music is her name.

Teaching is, by nature, a reflective profession. Educators are constantly assessing what they could do better, differently, to reach the student who still doesn't get it. Or maybe the student who does get it, but you want to push to an even higher level of understanding. We are always thinking about what we do...who we are....

I was at a concert last week with my Baby Girl. Sugarland. One of our favorites. I was in the arena with some 13,000 people watching the warm-up bands. Watching the crowd. They had arms in the air, swaying back and forth, totally enraptured in the music. And it reminded me of a religious revival...people with eyes closed, faces upturned, arms raised, basking in the inspiration of the Music and the Word. And I realized in that moment, that Music is my inspiration, my Gospel, my Word. It always has been. It is no accident that my writing, all through the years, has been laced with song lyrics.

I have been watching a friendship of mine move further and further away as she has become more and more involved with her church. It has become her social life, the only thread of her conversation, and harder and harder for us to find common ground. I am happy that she finds solace and social connections in her church. But it leaves little common ground any more in our friendship and I feel more and more distant from her.

Everyone should find inspiration somewhere. A lot of people find it in the unspoken beauty of nature. Others find it in the service they give. Many find it in their faith. For me, inspiration will always be in two things... The possibility of what can be. And Music.

When you see the Southern Cross for the first time
You understand now why you came this way
'Cause the truth you might be runnin' from is so small.
But it's as big as the promise, the promise of a comin' day.

She is all that I have left
And Music is her name.