No Hurry

Ain't in no hurry, I'd be a fool now to worry
About all those things I can't change
And the time that I borrow, can wait till tomorrow
Cause I ain't in no hurry today

- Zac Brown 

We all like to think we're in control of our lives.  We aren't.  Sometimes I think you can divide people into three groups: those who try to control everything, those who know what they have control over and what they don't, and those who just let life happen to them.  Under each of these three, of course, there are sub categories that carry different personality types, creedos, religions, self-help industries, outlooks, and behaviors.

When a person tries to control everything, I believe their degree of success depends greatly on the level of power they have in the situation.  It can be physical power in a relationship, positive in the field of sports, negative if it's an abusive romance.  It can be managerial power in the workplace, positive if it's used for the well-being of the company/clientele or negative when it's self-serving/micro-managing.  Or it can be delegated authority in a social situation such as the leader of a clique/club or someone who's been handed the reins whether they wanted it or not. If you have power, you have the ability to control.  If you have power along with other traits such as intellect, benevolence, money, drive, etc., you can be seen as a good leader.  Power without any of these other traits leads to tyranny.  

Then there are people who just let life happen.  Due to mental or physical or economic circumstance, they have so little control they just don't even bother trying - they never have or they have given up.  They are dealing with an addiction, overwhelming tragedy, mental illness, or other situation that often puts them in the care of our governmental and social service agencies, or in the care of a family member.

Most people, however, fall somewhere in the middle.  They don't have the wealth, social status, job, affluence, and time to be in control of all aspects of their life.  There are too many variables and life is just too complex.   So to get by, people set up schedules and routines, rules of etiquette, friendships and partnerships that work for them, etc.  There is a wonderfully complex social order to things - and every time something changes in the social order, however small, everything else must slightly shift as well.  Some people need more control than others.  It's a balancing act to establish the control one person needs without infringing on the liberties of another.  We see this in government, in business systems, in social systems, and in personal relationships.

Those who try to establish more control than they have are often frustrated because their need for control can never be adequately fulfilled, leaving them trying to control even more and a great deal of stress.  Those who are put in control and not producing due to their own or or others' inability to come through also face a great deal of stress.  Those who try to follow the established routines, norms, or rules of etiquette and others don't respond as expected often face a great deal of stress.  And so we come to the Serenity Prayer: 

God grant me the courage to change the things I can

The serenity to accept the things I cannot

And the wisdom to know the difference

It is easy to take control when there there is the desire and there are no obstacles, but it takes courage when there is any level of responsibility or change.  It takes just as great an effort to "accept with serenity" the things we cannot change.  And it is here most people struggle and most people find or create the stress in their life.  The prayer Desiderata says,  As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.  I love this simple sentence.  It does not say to do anything to get along, it says as "far as possible".  And that is what brings us to having the wisdom to know the difference.

And so I have been thinking about my life these last few weeks.  And my stress level.  In two days' time I have endured what the doctors describe as the first and second most painful surgeries a person can undergo.  And yet (with only a few exceptions) I have been in good spirits and laughing with the hospital staff as they come to my room.  And why do I have such good humor in such dire circumstances, and such stress in my job where I am the boss and have so much "control" over things?  And I think it is this:  I really have no control over these surgeries.  None.  Not the circumstances that brought me here, nor the care I'm getting here.  Things are 100% out of my control.  So I have a choice.  I can be miserable or I can make the best of it.  I choose to make the best of it with humor and grace.  I will save my energy for the things I can change, not for getting upset over the things I can't.