The House That Built Me

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
-Miranda Lambert

My Baby Girl told me she was trying to explain to someone her "sense of home". It isn't just the place you go to sleep at night. That can be anywhere. Home is the place where your memories reside. Home is the place you turn to when you need strength and healing. Home can be more than one place.

I had some homes early on that I don't remember. We lived in St. Paul and Denver when I was very young. The first place I remember was Bloomington, MN. When I was in 4th grade, we moved to Minneapolis. I lived with another family for a summer as their nanny. I lived in a state park for two summers working at a camp. I lived with my grandmother for a year. I lived in various suburbs in the Twin Cities. After my parents' house burned down, there was no more family house. The place I grew up didn't exist any more. But home was always where my mother was...

I would go for months, full steam ahead, 500%. And when I fizzled out, I just needed a day with my mom to recharge. Just spend time with her and talk and laugh, and heal all the parts of me that were worn and tired. And laugh some more. She had the most wonderful sense of humor.

That was part of what was so hard for me when she died. How would I recharge myself now? Where was home? I had my own house. My own children. But my "sense of home" was a place my mom had created. I miss it terribly and I know my siblings do too. And I know what my Baby Girl means when she talks about her sense of home. I was driving home from work a few weeks ago and heard a new song on the radio called "The House That Built Me" by Miranda Lambert. It touched me deeply and made me cry. I sent it to my sister and she said it reminded her of mom. When my Baby Girl heard it, she said that she wants to make a scrapbook of "home" so when she travels throughout her career, she will always have some of home with her. I love it that she comes home just to be with me. She will just sit with me to recharge herself. I understand that...

I know they say you can't go home again
I just had to come back one last time...

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it's like I'm someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could walk around I swear I'll leave
Won't take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me