Baby Girl

This time, I’m gonna make our dreams come true.
Well, I love you more than anything in the world...
--Sugarland

My youngest daughter is off to Morocco for almost two months...to get better at her Arabic as part of a study abroad program, both of which will help her pursue her dream of joining the FBI. I look back at the world I grew up in and the world my daughters grew up in and how much has changed in 40 years for women.

I grew up in the 60s and 70s. Womens' Lib was a catch phrase and it meant a great deal as women broke more and more barriers. They began stepping out of the traditional roles of secretary and teacher and store clerk and entering professions that had previously been dominated by men. In 1972, Title IX legislation was passed that stated no one could be discriminated against on the basis of gender in any education program receiving federal funds. I remember as a student being horribly frustrated with having to take Home Ec classes--cooking and sewing. My mother had taught me both, long before junior high, and it was a waste of my time. Why couldn't I take shop classes which seemed much more interesting? Title IX passed a year too late for me. A sister who is a year younger now had the option of taking either Home Ec or Shop. By the time my sister who is five years younger got to junior high, she had to take both. Huge changes in five years' time.

I also watched the role of women change in the media. We began to see female newscasters. Television shows moved past the June Cleaver stereotypes. We saw television shows with strong female characters and leads. Helen Reddy's 1972 hit "I Am Woman" took over the radio stations and was constantly being referred to as part of "the Women's Movement". The term "Ms." came into being and people scoffed at it, insisting it would never take hold.

My mother had a college degree in Home Economics. She insisted that my sisters and I learn how to sew and cook so that we wouldn't "waste" our college education on these things. She wanted us to do more. All four of us have college degrees--I have a Masters in Education and Administrative Licensure, my sister has a B.S. in Speech Communications, my brother has a B.S. Electrical Engineering and an MBA, and my youngest sister has a Masters in Political Science--all a far cry from Home Economics.

And then I think about the world my daughters grew up in. In the 80s we saw the first woman appointed to the US Supreme Court, the first woman go up in space, and the first woman named as a presidential running mate. My daughters never experienced school segregation based on their gender. They took karate lessons and went on archeological digs. We let them go "mucking" in the pond as much as they played dress-up. We pushed them, and never let them think for a moment there wasn't anything they couldn't do--or shouldn't--because they were girls. And where did it get them?

One daughter has a degree in Global Studies and a minor in International Business. She did an internship in Shanghai. Another has a degree in Chemical Engineering and works in a research lab. And my Baby Girl wants to join the FBI and fight terrorism. I am proud of them, yes, but I also sometimes reflect on my own life. I can't imagine women going into these 3 careers 40 years ago. Like so many young women, my girls are smart and capable, and I am glad the road was paved for them. Their grandma would be so proud of them too. And yet I quit my job for 15 years to be an at-home mom because to me, that is just as important as any other job. I hope when they become mothers, they will find a place for that career too.

My Baby Girl sent me an email a few weeks ago, saying how happy she was that we were not only letting her go to Morocco, but we were actually encouraging her to go. I don't know if I can honestly say I am encouraging her. She is my baby. I want to know she is always safe, and will always be here with me. To hug, to hold, to laugh with, to be quiet with. But that is selfish. I am proud that she feels confident enough to go half way around the world all by herself, and immerse herself in a very different culture. I know she would not be who she is if she didn't pursue her dreams. And so I need to let her make her dreams come true.

So, Baby Girl, when you are four thousand miles and one left turn away from where the home fires burn, and you miss your Mama, here is my love song for you....

They say in this town, stars stay up all night,
Don’t know, can’t see ‘em for the glow of the neon lights.
And it's a long way from here to the place where the home fires burn.
Well it's two thousand miles and one left turn.

Dear Mom and Dad,
Please send money, I’m so broke that it ain’t funny.
I don't need much, just enough to get me through.
Please don’t worry 'cause I'm all right,
I’m playing here at the bar tonight.
This time, I’m gonna make our dreams come true.
Well, I love you more than anything in the world...
Love, your Baby Girl.

Black top, blue sky, big town full of little white lies.
Well, everybody’s your friend: you can never be sure.
They'll promise fancy cars and diamond rings, all sorts of shiny things,
But, girl, you’ll remember what your knees are for.

Dear Mom and Dad,
Please send money, I’m so broke that it ain’t funny.
I don't need much, just enough to get me through.
Please don’t worry 'cause I'm all right,
I’m playing here at the bar tonight.
This time, I’m gonna make our dreams come true.
Well, I love you more than anything in the world...
Love, your Baby Girl.

I know that I’m on my way. I can tell every time I play.
And I know it’s worth all the dues I pay, when I can write to you and say...

Dear Mom and Dad,
I’ll send money. I’m so rich that it ain’t funny.
It ought to be more than enough to get you through.
Please don’t worry 'cause I’m all right,
I’m staying here at the Ritz tonight
What do you know, we made our dreams come true.
And there are fancy cars and diamond rings,
But you know that they don't mean a thing.
They all add up to nothing compared to you.
Well, remember me in ribbons and curls.
I still love you more than anything in the world...
Love, your Baby Girl.