Daddy's Hands

There was always love in Daddy's hands
-Holly Dunn

It was my father's birthday this week. I called him to see how he's spent his day and he told me about the Wild Game Show he went to, where there were hunting exhibits and hunting dog competitions. He used to have hunting dogs and hunt for pheasant and deer, neither of which he has/does any more. I used to go deer hunting with him. Partly because I love venison and am actually a fairly accurate shot, and partly because I didn't want him wandering around the woods by himself. But I was thinking about my dad and his influence on my life. He's had a bigger influence than he probably realizes. What were those influences? Things I learned from my dad?

In no particular order....

1) Go to where you want to go. Then look for a place to park. I take that one literally and figuratively. He used to tell me that when I was learning to drive. Go to the front of the parking lot, up by the front door of the store. Then work your way to the back of the parking lot looking for a space -- instead of taking the first spot you find. But that's good advice for life too. Be assertive and don't settle for the first thing that comes along.

2) Kids are drip-dry. One March day we had a marvelous time playing on the local ice rink as it was melting. We came home sopping wet and my mother had a fit. My dad just shrugged and said kids are drip-dry. That had an influence on my parenting and probably my teaching. Were the kids safe? Was it hurting them? Then don't get all worked up. They dry off, clean up, whatever. It's why I didn't worry if my girls went mucking in the pond, climbing trees, and all the other things they did.

3) If you're cold, you'll remember your coat next time. Unless safety's an issue, I'd rather let kids learn from experience than lecturing. Better for everyone. Even when you do tell 'em, it helps you put it in the context of a suggestion or at least a conversation instead of a directive. Makes the teen years a lot easier. Makes managing a classroom easier. In fact, at the start of the school year, I used to tell my students about this. That I was raised this way and that I wasn't going to bug them about certain things...but if they were unhappy with the outcome, I was going to expect them to remember the lesson learned and do it differently next time.

4) Never stand a shotgun on end with your thumb over the barrel. He did that once when he was hunting with his dad and when my grandfather saw it, he just packed everything up and went home. He figured if my dad wasn't thinking enough to be safe with a gun, he was better off not hunting. Lesson learned? Sometimes you just don't bother to argue the point. Quiet actions can speak louder than words.

5) Some things are worth getting out of bed in the middle of the night for. He used to drive us nuts when, on school days, he would sing us awake with "Good Morning To You" to the tune of Happy Birthday. But I'll never forget the time he woke me up in the middle of the night up at our cabin, a night when there was a full moon, and we walked through the birch trees to an open field where every blade of grass and every leaf of the nearby trees was bathed in silver from the moonlight. It was breath-taking and a sight I still carry with me. He instilled in me--in all of us siblings--a love of nature.

6) How to upright a swamped canoe. One day he took my sister and me out in a canoe and we were puzzled at his request that we leave our glasses on shore. We kept asking why and he finally said because he wanted us to know what to do when a canoe tipped and with that he immediately threw his weight to one side and we ended up in the lake. Then taught us how to get the canoe upright again and get ourselves back into it. Not as easy as you might think. He also taught us how to tread water, build a fire, use an ax and a machete, and a whole host of other outdoor skills.

7) How to tell a good story. It probably comes from my dad's theater background, and probably a bit from his mother, but I grew up hearing stories all the time. And it heavily influenced my teaching. Children love stories and teaching through stories is so much more effective than lecturing your way through a lesson. Stories bring the material alive for students. It also weaves generations of families together. I love hearing family stories and hope that my daughters do too.

8) To take things in stride. I remember getting in my first car accident. I went home and told my folks and my dad's response was, "Well if no one is hurt then let me finish this Bridge hand and then I'll go take a look." He's that way about most things. And so when my kids come to me with things, I try to take a step back (sometimes more successfully than others), make sure everyone is okay, and then simply deal with what needs to be done. I do get passionate about some things, but I want my girls to feel like they can always come to me if they need to.

9) How to cook. My mother taught me how to follow a recipe. My father taught me how to cook. You do that by tasting what you create. You need to check the chili to see if you've added enough chili powder. You need to try the gravy to see if it's the right consistency. You need to taste the vegetables to see if they're done. But you need to do the same thing with life. You can't just sit back, do things by the book, and wait. You need to get out there, try things, and go for the gusto.

10) Take time for the small things that show love. I am 50 years old. I still have the teddy bear I got for my first Christmas as a baby and slept with every night until I got married. I will never forget a night when I was maybe 10 or 12 and was getting into bed when I discovered my teddy bear's head had fallen off. I screamed and was hysterically upset. I went running downstairs with my bear's head in one hand and his body in the other. My mom was out for the evening and I was beside myself. My dad got out a needle and thread and patiently sewed Henry's head back on. He didn't have to do that. He could have sent me back to bed and told me to wait for my mother to take care of my bear. But he didn't. Sometimes, it is the little things that mean the most to people and doing them can be a better way to show love than saying it.

Happy Birthday Papa.